Hey, good morning. Good afternoon, wherever you are. And, uh, well today we're going to talk about infatuated. Kindness. Is it possible to have too much kindness?
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TRANSCRIPT OF VIDEO
Is it possible in a world to have too much kindness? When I take people up in the Himalayas and we're going up the mountain like this, the question is, does the behavior that makes it enjoyable to be at base camp down here?
Does the behavior that know enables people to be in a good place at bay? Thanks cam remain the same behavior that enables people to do well at higher levels on the mountain.
Well, you can ask yourself this question too, because does the same thing behavior, when you met your partner enable you to go to the higher levels of relationship, does the same behavior when your kids are babies under the age of three, enable them to be great citizens when they're teenagers and does the same personal development behavior and moral codes and things you follow.
When you leave high school, follow you all the way to death's door, uh, in your older age. And the answer is absolutely not.
And the one variable that really, really changes as time goes on is the word kindness we infatuated. We, um, brace it.
We think it is the absolute be all and end all of all things, especially a base camp because it prevents trouble.
Kindness, prevents trouble at the lowest and simplest level of life we call it love. And so when you go to, uh, uh, mass conscious Buddhism or mass conscious religion, kindness is on the top of the table.
When you're first in a relationship and your relationship kicks off kindness. It's number one, or when you're running an organization and you've got people entering at the bottom, kindness gets them onboard.
Kindness keeps them there. And in a sense, kindness can actually maintain a healthy state, but as those people evolve and as time goes on, should we look at kindness in another way and see it for what it is and understand that kindness will not sustain a relationship will not build a career and not take you to the tops in sport or any other aspect life, no matter what it is, let's have a closer look, shall we?
So the attraction paradox is hilarious and it basically says how attracted you are to a person, how attracted that person is to you.
There's a sliding scale. Now how attracted you are to a person to a person will generate how much kindness you believe they're worthy of.
And that doesn't change how much kindness they feel worthy of receiving how attracted a person is to you will generate how much kindness they think you're worthy of, but you may not feel worthy of the amount of kindness that they give you.
It's a very, very interesting paradox, isn't it? So ultimately we end up averaging, we end up over cooking or over-delivering kindness, and we end up under receiving kindness for what we thought we were giving.
And so this kindness paradox, this relationship paradox is a very, very interesting sliding scale, but I'm going to talk more about it.
Kindness becomes a backpack, a burden because we feel obligated. We start to think of kindness. As a default, we start to make the mistake of thinking love Equals kindness Equals worthiness.
Now these three things are carefully managed in our life because if we thought for one minute, unkindness and love and unworthiness, and, uh, where some measure of our worthiness of love, where might become really bad human beings and society would suffer.
So if we talk about the pyramid at the bottom of the pyramid, where our consciousness belongs to the mass and therefore our consciousness is dictated by the outer world, giving us signals and information.
It is very unwise for us to market. The idea that anything to do with unkindness can be even associated with love.
So we carry this back, big backpack up the, but at some stage, it's too heavy to go where we need to go, which is up and we can't carry it anymore.
We have to unbundle kindness from this backpack. And that's what we're here to do today. I'm assuming the fact that I've sent this loom video to you.
I'm assuming you're one of the people that's ready to hear. What's What the thing is. Your key ring is a key chain that really shows you what you're hanging on to.
And this is the backpack and the dog next door is going nuts as always because it doesn't like people walking past.
So your key ring, The things you hang on to become sort of a measure of how much kindness, how much you're, infatuating kindness still.
So it becomes important at some stage to realize that life balance, if you're kind in your career, you may find yourself being unkind in another areas of life, because kindness is ultimately a balance.
You can't be only kind. Every human being on, on the planet has the two sides to themselves, the positive and the negative and where we express these singers.
We might be judgmental spiritually, and we might be fantasy for and friendly socially. So we might have plus plus minus minus, we might be kind to people financially, give them money away and support them, but we might end up being a bit mean relationship wise.
And so no human being on earth actually goes through the process of life half. And this is a very important thing.
That means if we infatuate kindness, what do we think about the part of ourselves? That isn't kind, it's hard to love that isn't it, it's hard to actually accept that part of ourselves.
Isn't being kind, but the story goes on because we evolve with the, at the border of order, let's call it order and chaos, which in another language in relationship is challenge and support.
Now, how many times have you heard a person say, I love my relationship, my partner challenges and supports me equally not often.
And so the support is perceived as kindness. I want more of this and the unkind or the cruel unkind.
All the cruel is considered to be bad. And it's a universal principle that relations ships, all relationship evolve at the border of support and challenge.
Now, when a partner says to us, I want only support. And I will define that as to whether you love me or not.
What are we left with is with we're left with this massive darkness down here that we can't express in our relationship, but the kids might cop it, or we might bring it to work And say, this is me Being mean at work kind at home.
That's a sad consequence of her, of a half relationship. This relationship up here is called fantasy, the princess and the Knight in shining armor stuff.
And this stuff down here is called the consequence. And usually the consequence and usually makes us sick because we love the part of us.
That's kind and supports our partner and does everything apart in one, because it's got positive feedback, but it's very hard to love the part of ourselves.
That is a consequential part that is the other half of ourselves and per pure self-love or good leadership requires both.
So if we were, let's just say, hypothetically, let's go back with this example. I've done here. Or hopefully this is removing a lot of the group.
Give me a minute while I just type away here UN until the story that I just told. When we go to work a great leader, here we go.
We're getting there a great leader supports and challenges the team. But if support is burned out at home, they come to work and challenge the team.
Now you see this so often when people operate on not holistic thinking, they operate on compartmentalize thinking. They think that they're doing a great thing at home, loving their partner by giving them only support, no challenge.
And then they go to work and they find themselves challenging everybody unhappy and, uh, ungrateful and unappreciative and unrewarding uncomplimentary.
They find themselves finding out what's wrong with everybody because the burnt all their kindness and the other half of themselves is expressing itself at work.
And they might or may not get points for doing so. A real leader in a real business will support and challenge the team.
However, because HR, uh, in most organizations are absolutely dumb. They will do 360 degree feedback to see how supportive an individual as a leader is and measure them against that bar, uh, that metric.
So in reverse to A domestic environment, which makes a person, uh, supportive at home in the white Knight and they all, it's all fantasy, it's all supportive and really ugly at work.
In, in reverse of that, HR departments are encouraging people to get 360 degree high scores at work, which means what support, support, support, support everybody, and take home what the dark side and therefore HR departments don't measure domestic, uh, environments.
They don't ask partner feedback in the 360. They only ask for colleague feedback. And very often you'll find the higher the score you get in the 360 at work, the lowest, the score you get in the 360 at home balance.
When we talk about balance back here, balance in life is support and challenge in all seven areas of life support and challenge yourself, physically support and challenge yourself mentally support and challenge yourself in relation support and challenge yourself spiritually support and selling yourself support and challenge, support, and challenge that's balanced.
But how, how often do you find people take getting, uh, brutalized or criticized or condemned for challenging their partner in relationship?
So they end up in support mode and then going into their financial area and, and being very challenging to their, uh, or into their career and being very one-sided lopsided challenge.
How often do you hear people say I'm very challenged at work. I'm going to have a holiday and have a spiritual break, which means support myself in one area of life and challenge myself in another.
This doesn't work at What we said earlier. This doesn't work At the top of the mountain, but sure it can work at the bottom.
So you're starting to understand here that there are different horses for different courses. So how things really work here at the top, let's call it The moment of inspiration.
We grow down into, Uh, support, support, support. We go through maintenance and then we challenge challenge is as important as the support to reinspire us, to a new level of inspiration.
And this is how All people evolve. All businesses grow, all People move through these triangle support, which is the feminine, not female feminine and challenge, which is the masculine.
Now, if you leave these go too long and you just go, oh, I'm not going to challenge anybody. I'm not going to challenge anybody.
You end up going down, down, down into the support and the challenge becomes War or illness or disease or dollar problems or divorce.
I mean, ugly divorce because support support support went down, down, down, and we infatuated kindness. So this is not kind, although To, uh, to the moon, To the inner wealth.
This is kindness because it's returning You to inspiration. So actually war and illness and disease in a spiritual language, in, in a wealth language is called kindness because it grows us.
It strengthens us and it, and it dis dismantles our attachments, but in a outer wealth world, the feminine aspect, which supports us, which builds buildings and builds careers and builds things up.
And it's really kind is, is it's the opposite. So this is kindness in the outer world and outer wealth. And this is kindness in the inner world.
So war illness and disease at an inner wealth level is kindness and, uh, support building and success is kindness in the outer world, but they crossover.
So it's very, very interesting. What you've seen from the, from the work we've done together is that there is a daily process of making sure that you support and challenge yourself on a daily basis.
You do not leave it to Saturday, Sunday to challenge yourself every day, you put a word on a piece of paper, you might put a word like hurt, And you find the benefit.
You evolve, your mind Support and challenge your, You evolve Your body at the border of yes, you got to support and challenge.
You challenge your environment, what you wear, what you, the environment you create, the energy you spread around people. In other words, you support and challenge your environment, your brand, your mindset, you support and challenge it and therefore evolve it.
Your vision. You go back and read it. And if you disconnect from it, if it doesn't feel inspiring or engaging or yours, your goals are not engaging or inspiring, or you're not living your daily habits, you go back and you support and challenge yourself on your goals and your vision and your self-talk.
The big one. The king hit. The one that I think really is hard is self-taught you support and challenge yourself.
You know, you go with the, uh, the, the, um, emotional shower. You say, where did I do? Good. What's bad about it.
Where did I do bad? What's good about It. Self-talk you're looking To support and challenge. You evolve yourself self-talk daily.
So the back on track process is helping you support and challenge yourself on a daily basis. So it's kindness on the inside and kindness on the outside, the kindness on the inside is called challenge.
And the kindness on the outside is called support. So you can see that this infatuation with kindness on the outside leads to, uh, nature, uh, giving us a bang on the back of their head with a baseball bat on the inside, because we don't evolve from just being stuck in the swamp and in support.
So all of this is really important stuff, because I love you. I care about you. I care about what you do in your life.
I care about what's going to happen to your family, to your relationship. I want your relationship to last forever, but if I love you is called kindness.
If that's what we define as love, and we don't see channels the lunch as also being a part of love.
And if we don't differate differentiate the inner from the outer love will suffer. Love will suffer because kindness on the outside makes people weak and makes them dependent.
Nothing feels worse and challenge on the inside makes people feel strong and self determined, which feels really nice. Have a great day.
Bye for now.