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I think you are an amazing, spiritual heart and soul, who can add value to the world with meaning and purpose who also has a brain and an ego that can lie the fuck out of life and even come to believe that the shit that goes on in your self-depreciating mind is real. I think you are a magnificent part of nature, born with a purpose, guided every single moment of your life, on track whether you think it or not and usually fucking ungrateful for anything that doesn’t fit your unrealistic and invented expectations of life. Try this one:

The purpose of a relationship is not happiness. That’s your heart and soul and meaning and purpose at home wrapped up but there’s a conditioned part of you that shouts “no fucking way” and “my relationship is about happiness.” Well, good luck. Because when you try to make someone happy, you try to beat the universe, and that’s not a pretty sight.

I believe you and your life are a huge chunk of divine perfection, that there is no “God” but there is an energy that permeates everything you are and everything you do. And, like a blindfolded person walking on broken glass, you discover that perfection in those steps you take that don’t cause pain. I’m not interested in half life for you, I want you to see the perfection in everything and to feel that divine energy that permeates everything.

Your Beliefs Influence Your Self Talk

But it’s not what I believe that’s important, it’s what you believe that’s important. Test these on yourself:

  • Do you believe that you go in the direction of your dominant thought and therefore what you fear comes near, and what you think about you bring about? If so, do you deliberately fill your mind with small talk, gossip, telling people what’s not to your liking? or Do you read inspirational quotes, affirm inspirational words, look at inspirational pictures and fill your mind with the direction you want to travel?
  • Do you believe that nobody treats you better than you treat yourself? This would mean that a bad day at the office where your boss or customer berates you and tells you that you are fucking worthless is about them or you?  Do you therefore value what you think about you more than what others, especially your parents who you owe no debt to, think about you? If other’s opinion about you makes you even feel different than you do when you eat an ice-cream, then seriously, you’re giving your power to the devil and you might not feel the love that makes this magnificent existence on the unbelievable planet with unfathomable miracles - work for you.
  • Do you believe that emotions are real, fixed and reliable sources of your experience in life or that you are in complete control of your emotions, and any emotion that you can’t control just reveals where you are a dummy. That we are all dummy’s to some emotions and it’s really effective not to react to emotions because all emotions are the enemy of love and life?
  • Do you believe that your financial wealth is a measure of your spiritual wealth? Try that one on for size.
  • Do you believe that there is never a single moment in your life where the divine perfection of the universal laws isn’t present and so, you are never alone, always guided even when shit happens, it’s a perfect guidance system? This is not faith, this is about proving the laws of the universe exist in everything. This can only be “known” by experience and doing.
  • Do you believe that you are working, living, loving alone. That there is or isn’t a divine presence in your life and that you are really a lucky fkr? It may be a surprise but you and I are not on earth forever and the optimal reminder of that reality is error, pain and suffering or love.

Getting Past The Rhetoric

You're standing on the top of a 200meter bungie drop. You're going to plummet 200meters before the chord tied to your feet by a bare foot Thai villager is going to arrest your fall and pull you back up with the mind blowing shock of a jet fighter in a spiral. You're going to be totally facing the fear of death plus more.

Self talk isn't important ten minutes before you thought about going on this ridiculous excursion. But from the moment you began thinking about it, self talk has been the only thing that's important.

Should you do it? What are the dangers? Why am I doing this? Is it safe? What happens if .... ? What will people think if I bail out? And more... Our ego, our primal self protective processes, our patterns of self management and previous experiences that created beliefs all mix together to cause your "self talk," and it's not always healthy.

Changing Your Self Talk

  1. Create Big Goals and then forget them by creating little steps that get you day by day toward big goals. This is called positive reinforcement. IF you wish to run 10 seconds for the 100meters and your current time is 12 seconds, you are wise to see counsel with a running coach you trust and ask if your goal is achievable, and how long, and what to do, and what the personal cost will be. Then, each day, set minor goals for training, diet, recovery that, if followed, will, according to the coach, achieve the end. You'll graph your daily progress, (starve, trainingpeaks etc do it for you) and you must read, absorb and enjoy your progress. This is absolutely step one in self talk, positive, realistic, daily, goal orientated feedback. Yes, Daily.
  2. Quotes and Sayings... You go in the direction of your dominant thoughts. If they are memories of loss and mess you'll go there again. So, life is too short to learn from experience therefore it's best to learn from others. Don't be scared to get quotes of positive, optimistic and inspiring statements and glue, blue tack or whatever to the bathroom, bedroom and kitchen walls as well as computer screen and phone wallpaper. The power of positive affirmation is unbelievably strong and accurate.
  3. Be coached. Your coach needs to know the term "tough love" without being a downer or dream killer. The question in your coaches head needs to be "How" not "If." In other words, when your self talk isn't holding you up, your coach will. This relationship is vital. A coach cannot be trapped in your day to day emotional turbulence but instead, insist on your commitment and focus. That's their job to hold the target and process you are in to get there, sacred.
  4. Audio. Your ears are your radar to your self talk. Do not listen (you may need to be polite and stay till they finish) to advice you didn't ask for or wouldn't pay for. Do not watch war movies, violence and negative information if your mission is real, fill it with zeal. You want to be success then surround yourself with those who believe in it, and let the rest, usually family/parents and old friends, get their own life. One of the greatest resistances to changing and raising self talk is hanging around those who choose to remind you of your failings, weaknesses and smallness. This must go.
For more, you can review material on Winning Mindset.
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