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THE REWARDS FOR SAYING "I LOVE YOU"

Love is a thought that causes a feeling

The person who says "I love this" or "I love you" or "I do what I love" or "I love what I do" is rewarded ten fold for their thoughts. Their thoughts create feelings, and those feelings are, above all else, attractive, healthy and life giving.

Waiting for the world to love you is like waiting for the sun to rise in Holland.

Life grows at the border of order and chaos. So, waiting to feel love from anything or anyone is going to be sporadic and cyclic at best if we work from the notion that if it feels good - it is love. Nothing feels good all the time so, depressions, addictions and most knee jerk decisions made under stress are simply premature responses to a cycle of support and challenge. You'll see why I coach people to "love it before you leave it."

The Science behind Love

Some people say that behind every love there is a story. But I'd like to suggest that behind every love there's a thought and that thought might come from a story or two and those stories might be true or false.

 

There are, as you already know, different parts of our brain that perform different functions. Each is essential so one cannot say "don't think like x.y.z" - and the interesting thing is that we can each use different parts of the brain to evaluate the same topic. For example: a man in a red tie approaches. You've categorised men in red ties as salesmen, and not authentic, you respond, without even meeting him, with the cellular brain, in fight flight before you even get to know him. This is autonomic. It can be changed, and psychology spends a lot of time creating ways to change it, all the way from Electrical shock therapy to Hypnosis and NLP. Some work, some don't. Of course, we're not too worried about the red tie - bad man connection but we would worry if there was a trauma memory that was triggered by a red tie and it sent a person into violent self or other reaction at the sight of a red tie. So, different parts of the brain function as per your individual memory networks and sometimes this can really block love and truth from your life, and therefore happiness and success.

Pavlov and Love

There's a story about a man and a bell and a dog and lots of drool. WE don't need to elaborate, except to say that there can be a trigger (meat), a response (drool), a signal (bell) and they can form a symbiotic friendship in the brain. Eventually one can remove the meat (an event or situation) and ring the bell (clothing, behaviour or even male/female) and cause the response. Simply put, 99% of our reactions are not really about what is happening in the moment, but more often a memory, trigger, response that's being triggered. It's the worse state of mind because we can't love reality if we are always conditioned to react and respond as we've been subconsciously programmed to do.

Why Love is the worst measure of action

There are, as we've pointed out here, many parts of the brain that can respond for each individual when a situation is presented to them. Stress, as we've noted, isn't a drama until one day it incapacitates us, and from then we might become paranoid about being stressed and avoid, like Pavlov's dog, any situation that might cause that trigger. We unknowingly block the future.

 

Each level of the brain can love. At the lowest, the got to level, it's a fight flight love, often described in poetry and dramatised in movies where it's acted out in lust, infatuation, violence, possessiveness and in the case of Romeo and Juliette, a sad "can't live without you" model. This is the lowest mind, primal in fact, and it's most common in desperate individuals whose life is being lived day to day, week to week.

 

At the other end of the consciousness scale, love is unconditional, and like a monk, one can love everything and be attached to nothing. At this high level of brain function, love does not stimulate action and therefore there's no sex, no romance, no work, no energy. It's simply enlightenment. It's the only place one can go in our mind in order to let go, heal and move on from a loss. But it's highly dysfunctional in real life.

Living with More Love to than Got to in Life

The trigger for the feeling of love is positive thinking but for the greater part, positive thinking is false hope and unsustainable love.

The easiest is to focus on the areas of life that generate the most positive feelings. This is how the "Anthony Robbins" and motivational genius work. They just draw you to focus on the positive aspects of one highly positive feedback area so the balance - which is essential for growth - the negative - is not in the line of sight. In other words, if money is going up and there is no perceived negative for that, then some other area of life is going down to balance it.

Book a coaching session to bring more love into your life - Chris Walker

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